It's been 3 weeks since I heard from my "Boo" now...

by Chachi
(United States)

So it's been 3 weeks now since I've heard from him and here's the rest of the story... Okay I met this guy while we were in school. He was a senior, and I was a freshman. I came up to him and from there we started talking. He treats me with respect. We never kissed or anything, only hugged.

Well he's now graduated from school, and I'm still in school. We call each other "Boo", because we're not trying to rush anything between us. We're more than friends, but we're not a couple if that made sense. Long story short, I haven't heard from him in three weeks now, and I'm starting to worry about where we stand with each other. I'm kinda scared to text him because I think he won't wanna talk to me anymore. I like him, but I don't know what to do. Please Help!

Answer from Coach Theresa: Hi Chachi,

Thanks for a little clarification on your previous question.

Well, first of all, I hate to break it to you, but you may call each other "Boo", but you said yourself that you are not "exclusive" boyfriend/girlfriend and you are not a couple. From what you have described, you are NOT more than friends. Friends hug. Friends call each other pet names occasionally. But if you were more than friends, he would be asking you out, taking you on dates and would have at least kissed you. Age makes no difference when a man is really into you. However, if you are sophomore and he has graduated, he is in a different place in his life -- possibly continuing his schooling or looking for a job. And, based on his ACTIONS, he thinks that you are only friends.

Back when I was in college, I was in a similar situation. I had a guy who was my bff, we called each other "baby" and "honey" and hugged and held hands sometimes and always had fun together. I had a huge crush on him, but he never asked me out. I fell in love with him and pined for him to like me back, but he kept me close as a friend and nothing more... but it seemed to me like we were more than friends. Sometimes when it was late and I missed my bus back to my dorm, I would sleep over in his room and we would snuggle, but there was never any kissing or fooling around. Imagine my surprise when I found out 2 years later that he was gay and had been dating a man the entire time! He had always just thought of me as a best friend and I wasted so much time longing for him when I could have moved on and met someone more suitable.

The issue here is really that you are not dating. If a guy thinks you are just friends, he treats you like a friend.

You have to judge a man by his ACTIONS and this man's actions say that he is not that into you and is not dating you; he is your friend only. I know that that might be hard to hear, but there is no such thing as mixed signals.

So, here are a couple of things I would do to move on:

1) Every time you think of him, say to yourself, "I release you to your highest good" and then think of something that makes you happy like a child, an animal or nature.

2) Focus on other things in your life that make you happy - hobbies, friends, etc. A woman who has an interesting life is attractive to men. Find ways to feel happy no matter what and your dating life will not be the only thing that improves!

3) I would make a list of everything that you liked about this guy and add to it other qualities you would like in a future boyfriend and focus on those and imagine being with your awesome future boyfriend now. Then someone who wants to be more than friends will show up in your life because you've been focusing on that and you will see by their actions that they are really into you.

I wish you the best and let me know how it goes.

Take care,
Theresa