How can I visualize or feel something that has never happened?

by Shcourtney
(United States)

I'm a 25 year old, heterosexual female. I've never been kissed, had a first date or even a boyfriend. I'm trying to figure out if I've never had these things, how can I visualize or feel the feelings if I've never experienced them for law of attraction to work for me?

Thanks,
Court

Answer from Coach Theresa: Hi Court,

To better help you with your situation and before I answer your question, I'd like to ask you a few questions:

1) Do you ever watch romantic comedies and if so, do you have a favorite?

2) Do you live in an urban, suburban, or rural area?

3) Do you live at home or live on your own?

4) Do you work?

5) Do you have social activities outside of work and if so, what are they?

6) How do you feel about your body image and self esteem?

7) Are there any limitations in your life that prevent you from dating? Do you have any negative beliefs about men, like "all men are jerks" or "men only want one thing"?

Let me know your answers so that I can give you a really well-thought out answer.

Talk soon,
Theresa

From Court: Hi Theresa!
I'll answer those questions for you no problem!

1) I love romantic comedies, I have many favorites however my favorite is the Truth about Cats and Dogs, Twilight (although its not necessarily a comedy), The Mirror Has Two Faces. I have a whole list.

2) I live in a suburban area

3) I live at home with my grandma

4) I do work. I work on the military base. I work for the daycare center as a child care assistant

5) Outside of work I hang out with friends, dinner and a movie type deal. If not we might hangout at one of our houses and watch a movie and have coffee. I love the library as well. I'm constantly reading books.

6) Body image- Not so great. I just have a hard time appreciating something I do not like. Self Esteem wise, I don't think I'm clearing the top of that meter either.

7) I'm rather shy when it comes to men period. I have no male friends. Some of my beliefs about men are: "All the good ones are taken" "The good looking ones only like skinny girls" "Whats the point if they cheat anyway" "Maybe I'm meant to be a spinster" things along those lines.

Looking forward to hearing from you soon!

Sincerely,
Court

Answer from Coach Theresa: Hi Court,

Thank you for taking the time to answer my questions. Since you've read my website and you probably understand a little bit about the Law of Attraction, I want to make sure you understand that the Universal Law of Attraction responds to your "vibration" about a subject. Your vibration is everything you believe, think about and feel about a subject. So, while you may want to go on a date or have a boyfriend, if your dominant thoughts are "All the good ones are taken" "The good looking ones only like skinny girls" "What's the point if they cheat anyway" "Maybe I'm meant to be a spinster", then you will get more experiences that match your vibration and those beliefs.

Even if you took the "traditional" LOA advice to try to visualize it happening, make a vision board, or imagine how it would feel to be in a relationship, if you have negative beliefs about yourself, your body, dating or men, these would dominate what happens in your experience. The Law of Attraction ALWAYS brings you more of what you are focused on and beliefs and expectations ALWAYS trump visualization or just trying to feel good.

So.... I think the answer for your specific situation is to find ways to build your self-esteem, find a more positive body image, and then to release your negative beliefs about yourself and dating. Then you will NATURALLY feel better. Self confidence is the number one thing that attracts men, not looks believe it or not! And once you've eliminated the negative beliefs, it will be easy to imagine what you want - you could just picture yourself in a romantic comedy as the girl who gets the guy!

The BEST way I have found to build self-esteem is with the Lefkoe Natural Confidence online program. It's not cheap - it's about $200, but it is TOTALLY worth it. With this program, you eliminate some of the most common negative beliefs like "I'm not good enough" or "I'm not important". I'm incredibly picky about programs I recommend, but I've used it myself and I've seen it work for countless other people.

Here is a link to try one belief for free to see if it is something that might work for you:

CLICK HERE TO TEST OUT A NATURAL CONFIDENCE BELIEF FOR FREE

Once you've mastered the basic limiting beliefs, you can use it on other limiting dating and relationship beliefs you have like "All the good ones are taken". You can also use it to deal with negative body beliefs. I continue to use it myself to eliminate beliefs on a regular basis as they come up.

Another great tool is EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) or "tapping". There are countless youtube videos showing how to use it. I'll be making my own videos for my website soon, but until then, I recommend checking out David Childerly's free youtube videos and see if EFT seems like something you might like to try.

Here is one for self esteem and weight, which are often tied together:
Self Empowerment #4: Weight Loss EFT Secrets Revealed!

You can watch and tap along for thousands of free hours on youtube. The only caveat: if it doesn't seem like you are getting anywhere with it, you need the guidance of an EFT coach. I made the mistake back in the late 90's when EFT was relatively new, of just trying to do it on my own to save money. I spent sooo much time and it wasn't until I had a coach I worked with for several sessions and watched the official training videos that I really understood how to use it. You can use EFT to eliminate negative beliefs, but in my experience, it takes longer than the Lefkoe method, which is unmatched for speed and efficiency. I find EFT works best for clearing fear, anxiety, and doubt about an issue.

I also offer one-on-one coaching via phone and Skype at a reasonable rate of $60/hr (most coaches charge $100-$300) and I use the Lefkoe method and EFT along with several other tools to help my clients. In fact, one client I have had on and off for the last year had never had a boyfriend or really dated (she's in her 40's) and in the past 6 months, she's lost 30 lbs, signed up for online dating, had countless dates, dated 2 guys for 2 months each and feels confident about dating now!

I hope this helps you on your path, wherever it takes you.

Take care,
Theresa