How do I get up the nerve to talk to someone I've liked secretly for 2 years?

by Michelle
(United States)

Question: There is this guy that I have secretly liked for about 2 years now and I am still too scared to talk to him. My friends just tell me to just go talk to him but it's hard because he is always with his friends talking or he is busy listening to his ipod or something.

I just really need some advice for how I can talk to this guy because I really need help!

Answer from Coach Theresa: Hi Michelle,

Well, I understand that you have secretly liked him for 2 years and I get that you want to talk to him, but here's the thing: if he is interested in you, then HE will make the first move and YOU don't need to worry about trying to get up the courage to talk to him. If a guy is interested, he will find a way to let you know, whether it is through your friends or by coming up to you and talking and asking you out. That is HIS job. Men need to be the one doing the "chasing" or they end up feeling powerless in the long run. If you chase a guy, he only has 2 choices: flee or submit, and neither will get you a good boyfriend.

If a guy likes you, he will move mountains to try to get near you, to talk to you and to go out with you. If he is not doing any of those things (and it doesn't sound like he is, based on his actions), then you are better off letting him go and being open to meeting someone else who will return your affections. So, when you think of him, just think "I release you to your highest good" over and over. Trust me, unrequited love is no fun and it's a total waste of your time when there are tons of guys out there who would be better for you.

Maybe you have had a crush on him for 2 years because of the way he looks or how he acts with his friends, but since you haven't really talked to him, you don't really know him that well so you don't really know if he is a good catch or not or if you will be a good couple or if HE can even carry on a conversation! When you meet someone who is right for you, HE will approach YOU, and you will have things in common, so conversation will be effortless, like it is with your best girlfriends.

Here is some Law of Attraction advice to find a great guy: make a list of the kind of guy you want - for example... smart, good sense of humor, likes the same movies I do, easy to talk to, sends me funny text messages, etc. and also make a list of how you want to FEEL when you are together - I feel happy that we see each other often, I feel secure because I know he likes me, I feel excited to see him, etc. Then try to imagine how it would feel if you were already dating the guy that matched that list. Probably pretty good, right? If you can hold onto the feeling of how good it will be when you are with someone who is right for you, you will attract him in no time! Before going to bed each night, spend 5 minutes imagining the awesome guy from your list as if he were already in the picture, and he soon will be.

I know that I'm not answering the question the way you probably expected, but I wish someone had told me these things many years ago before I wasted my own time with unrequited crushes and guys who just weren't that into me. Who knows, that guy you've liked may rise to the occasion and come up to talk to you or ask you out, but the Universe probably has a much better guy in mind, as long as you are open to it and feeling good about it.

Hope that helps.

Happy dating,
Coach Theresa

p.s. If you have other issues with fear, speaking or confidence, there is a program called Natural Confidence by the Lefkoe method which is excellent for helping remove limiting beliefs, like "What other people think of me is important". Here is a link to the Natural Confidence Program to eliminate a belief for free (link opens in new window) I really wish I had had that program when I was in school!